Ten Rules For... Surviving the Apocalypse

Welcome to the Ten Rules series! Every other week, an author or reader will provide their Ten Rules on topics far and wide. You can expect humor, seriousness, laughter, and possibly even tears.

 

To kick off the series and because I've been watching disaster movies all week, I've asked readers and authors to provide their ultimate survival rule for the apocalypse. After a couple of survival plan debates, we've come up with Ten Rules (or reflections/pieces of advice) from readers, and Ten Rules from authors. These little pearls may or may not end in apocalypse survival, but you're guaranteed to get a good laugh out of them. And let's just say... I've laughed a lot since putting out the call for rules.

 

 

 

 

Here's what readers had to say that I could repeat in public on the apocalypse, survival, and humanity:

 

1. When you hear the word "run", haul ass. Don't look back and don't ask questions! -Khourtniey (Arkansas)
2. It'll either happen or it won't. Either way, I'll be too drunk to notice. -Jayme (Arkansas)
3. Don't eat the yellow snow. -Jen (United Kingdom)
4. Grab the cookies and Robin Thicke. If I'm going out, I'm going out with a bang! -Marita (Oklahoma)
5. I'll die trying to save all the kids. -Beth (Pennsylvania)
6. Always have a loaded shotgun and a good dog on hand.. two legged or four.. as long as they can hunt. -Jasmin (Arkansas)
7. Pfft...apocalypse. As long as I've got my best girls, firearms, and a box of cookies, I'm good. -Lisa (Ohio)
8. Keep a shotgun and a lifetime supply of twinkies. -Amy (Louisiana)
9. I'll just be grateful my life has been wonderful, and neither my daughter nor I will have to survive without the other. -Chel (United Kingdom)
10. Find my fourteen year old, because she'll know what to do. Otherwise, I'm probably screwed! -Renae (Massachusetts)

 

You notice that cookies/twinkies and guns are tied as apocalypse survival necessities, right?! This is proof positive that I do, indeed, have the coolest readers in all the land.

Now let's see what our authors had to say:

1. Don't freak out! -Krystal Wade (Author of the Darkness Falls trilogy)
2. Make sure one hot guy survives so you'll have someone to repopulate the world with. -Elia St. Anne
3. Knock over a CVS and snag some Nembutal. -Rod Kierkegaard (Author of The Department of Magic, The God Particle & Family Cursemas)
4. If it's a zombie apocalypse, befriend a dragon. If there are no nearby friendly dragons, move to another planet. -Ethan Mawyer
5. Always know where your towel is. -Eugene Teplitsky quoting Douglas Adams.
6. Um... try to head off the apocalypse before it happens. Also, befriend witches and wizards, and develop a tolerance for caves. -Amy Lynn Spitzley
7. Befriend someone with a farm and guns. I've already asked my brother if I can come stay with him in case of an apocalypse. -Sharon Bayliss (Author of The Charge)
8. Find and join a motorcycle gang - they will be the strongest assemblage, and only the strong survive. Better learn to ride! -Lisa Collicut (Author of The Devil's Flower & The Gathering Darkness)
9. You have to have a good partner! Either one who can help you or one you can trip if zombies are chasing you! ;) -Bella Leone (Author of Downpour)
10. My biggest survival rule is to find a partner for the end of the world, someone as resourceful as MacGyver, as funny as Rob Delaney, and as good of a cook as Bobby Flay. Make sure you're attracted to them, too, in case you need to repopulate the earth. -J.M. Darhower (Author of Sempre)

My advice is simple: Steal a tank and a flamethrower, and stock up on cookies and vodka. If you don't survive, you'll be too drunk and happy to care. I know I will, at least! Because, let's face it, stealing a tank would be awesome. (Disclaimer: Don't steal a tank. It's bad. Unless it's the apocalypse. In that case, find me. I'll bring the vodka, and help you steal the tank!)

 

Your turn! What's your #1 Rule for surviving the apocalypse?

xoxo,
A.K.M.

Want to guest post on the blog, interview, or write your own Ten Rules for this blog series? Email me! I'm always open to guest posts, interviews, and series participants! :)